All the best foods start with good intentions of health but always end in a push to an unhealthy absurdity. ”We need a healthy meal full of  vegetables” quickly becomes ”I’m cold and want bacon… covered in caramel”.

Bacon covered in caramel. When this thought came to me I felt like the roof above me had cracked open, revealing the expanse of the universe and a chorus of bacon wielding angels compelling me to throw brown sugar and pork slabs into the frying pan, stat! Who can refuse non-kosher angels?

I tried to compromise a little by making the soup as healthy as possible; ramping up the health factor with lentils (a great source of protein and fibre) and turmeric which according to many un-referenced answers.com articles cures every type of cancer known to man.

Ingredients:
1 medium Butternut pumpkin (peeled and cut into large chunks)
1/2 kilo Carrots
2 large Onions (cut into quarters)
3 cloves Garlic
1 cup Red lentils
2 1/2 litres Chicken stock (I use the Massel’s stock powder because it’s vegetarian so my brother can enjoy the soup too)
2 tbsp Paprika
3 tsp Nutmeg
2 tbsp Tumeric

3 rashers Middle Bacon
2 tsp Brown sugar

1. In a large pot, thrown in all the vegetables and stock. Cover the pot and simmer for thirty minutes or until the vegetables are soft and smooshy.
2. Using a stick blender, blend the soup in the pot until it is smoother than Don Draper’s voice.
3. In a hot frying pan, add the bacon cut into small squares and cook until soft. Add the brown sugar to the pan and stir constantly until the bacon starts to crisp (just be very careful not to let the sugar burn).
4. Serve the soup into big bowls, sprinkle with the bacon and toast some thick slices of sour-dough if you wish.

I love puns but unfortunately I have no excuse for using them. Sometimes I think I was born to the wrong gender, I will never have the chance to embarrass my future children with bad puns and have it written off as a ‘dad joke’, as if it is part of my genetic programming to impulsively turn words into word play. Instead, it just seems lame. But I say heck with it all, I’ll just embrace my lame-ness, along with my love for this sickeningly sweet, almost not a food, recipe.

This recipe is something  I stole from my mum. I guess that’s the upside of womanhood; We can’t get away with lame jokes but we can make tasty treats out of anything*. This recipe is very easy and cheap to make. It tastes so good that I could sell it by the gram (one more bad Vanilla Ice reference… I’ll try not to do that again)

Coconut Ice:

1 can (300ml) Sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup Cream
4 cups of Dessicated coconut
3 cups of Icing sugar
Vanilla essence
Pink food dye

1. Line a 30 x 20cm  lamington tray with aluminium foil. Sieve icing sugar and mix with the coconut. Add the condensed milk, cream and vanilla and stir (with your hands is the most fun) until it forms a dough-like consistency.

2. Take half of the mix and knead in the colouring until it is consistently and brightly pink. Press firmly this into the tray using your hands (if it gets too sticky, dust it with icing sugar). Repeat with the remaining mixture until it is all firmly packed into the tray.

3. Cover with cling wrap and allow it to set in the fridge for a few hours (overnight is best). Flip it onto a chopping board and carefully cut it into cubes (cleaning the knife regularly to make sure the coloured layers don’t get messy).

These make a great little gift when wrapped in cellophane, kind of like the stuff you’d find at a church fate made by a lady named Maude.

*This is an official apology to all women for setting the woman’s rights movement back fifty year with that comment.

PS: Leave a comment below with your best Vanilla Ice pun, collaborate and I will listen (last one, I promise)

I always get a sense of unparalleled pride when I think back at my high school achievements. Possibly because over time I have morphed them to be greater and more prestigious than they really were.

One of my greatest high school achievements was my year 12 Food Technology SAT*, for which I received perfect marks. This assignment ran for 2 months,  which involved creating a hypothetical cafe, making a menu, making those food items and then completing write ups on the nutritional value of each. This project contained the most passion I have ever poured into a piece of work to the point that I still have a pretty good business plan for my imaginary cafe ‘Raspberry Heaven’ if I ever do decide to start up shop.

Among my recipes where Champagne and strawberry zabaglione, double choc raspberry brownies and french vannilla custard and berry tart. My goal was to send my food tech teacher crazy while shopping for the most obscure ingredients I could think of. One of the criteria of the project though was to make jam,  the one criteria I clearly gave up on being creative and made a plain raspberry jam to just get the mark .

Let this be lesson to all the students who may read this, working to just meet the criteria will give you a good mark on the project and you will pass but the creative opportunities that you will miss will haunt you forever!

So, when I put myself in charge of the Devonshire Tea and the Kallista Tea Dance I found a chance to save my soul from the uncreative purgatory of VCE and play with the beautiful flavors of fresh produce to make something worthy of my A+ earnt years earlier.

Burnt Caramel Pear and Lavender Jam

Ingrediants:

1/2 cup of fresh Lavender flowers
2 cups of White sugar
2 cups Water

15 Pears
1/4 cup Lemon juice
1 cup Sugar

Steralised jars (makes approx. 1 litre of jam)

1. In a small saucepan add 2 cups of white sugar and 2 cups of water together over a strong heat. Run your fingers down the lavender flowers to break off the little pods and add these to the syrup. Bring the syrup to a boil and lower the heat to a gentle simmer for 15 minutes.

2. Strain the lavender flowers out of the syrup (At this stage you have a lovely syrup that tastes lovely when sweetening tea).

3. Peal and quarter all the pears, carefully removing the core. Place these into a large (6 litre) saucepan with 1 cup of water and heat on a medium heat with the lid on until they have softened.

4. Add 1 cup of  sugar and the lavender syrup and boil until a gel test** proves it’s consistency perfect. Add the lemon juice.

5. This is the hard part, slightly burning the base to add flavour but without wrecking the jam:
Turn the heat up as high as it will go and don’t stir the mix for a few minutes (keeping a constant eye on the pot.  To check the burning, run a wooden spoon gently over the base, if the pears have started to stick to the base, the jam has burnt enough! Lightly stir the jam to release the pears from the base but don’t scrape up the bottom.

6. Pour the jam (Carefully) into your sterilized jars and seal quickly. Leave the jam to cool over night.

My favourite way to enjoy this jam is on a fresh slice of sour dough with goats cheese. Trust me, it’s amazing.

 
*I don’t know what SAT actually stands for but  ’Strangely Arduous Task’ seems apt.
**To do a gel test, take a small spoon of jam and plop it on a saucer. Place it in the fridge and when it is cooled check the consistency with your finger.

When I was first dating my now husband I made him a lasagne. This specific lasagne was the worst lasagne of all time. I was staying at his place, where he was living with another engineering student and I volunteered to make dinner. What I didn’t realise at the time was that everyone was leaving for the afternoon so I had no transport to the shops and was limited to what I could find in the pantry. I should reiterate; this house was inhibited by two male engineering students.

This was going to be greater than any pressure test on MasterChef . The ingredients were few and the love of my life balanced on this meal.
What I found in the pantry was a box of lasagne sheets, 3 bottles of cheese sauce, a few potatoes, White Crow tomato sauce, broccoli and 10 slabs of beer. So, a vegetarian lasagne with bad pre-made cheese sauce and brown broccoli was created.

That’s why I created this 4 cheese lasagne to make up for the past failing and to win back the respect of my love. This lasagne is full of delicious meat sauce (unlike the other), rich tomatoes and garlic (unlike the other) that balance perfectly with the layers of cheese. The layers of bocconcini adds a delightful stretchy texture that brings a touch more joy to the eating process.

If ever you want to win a man, this is the recipe.

Ingredients:

Meat Sauce:
2 cloves Garlic, sliced thinly
2 Onions, diced
2 tbsp Olive Oil
500gr. Beef mince
2 cups Chicken stock
1 tbsp each of dried Parsley, basil and oregano
2 tsp Paprika
5 medium Carrots, diced
4 cans of diced Tomatoes
200gr Mushrooms, sliced
1 tbsp  Worcestershire sauce

Cheesy Bechamel Sauce:
1/4 cup Flour
1/4 cup Olive oil
650 ml Milk
1/2 cup Vintage Cheddar, grated
1/2 Jarslberg cheese, grated

500gr Bocconcini, sliced
200gr Lasagne sheets (Fresh or instant)
1/4 cup  grated Parmesan

Meat Sauce:
1. In a large (3 – 4 litre) sauce pan, heat the olive oil and add the garlic and onions, stirring with a wooden spoon until just browned. Add the mince and brown.

2. Pour in the remaining ingredients and lower the heat to simmer, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is thick and no liquid collects on the top. If you want to season the sauce, wait until it is cooked fully as the flavours will intensify.

Cheesy Bechamel Sauce:
1. In another large saucepan over a low heat add the flour and oil*. Stir with a whisk until a paste forms and begins to slightly bubble. Add the milk a little bit at a time, stirring vigorously at each stage to make sure no lumps appear**

2. Leave the sauce on the low heat, stirring regularly to prevent lumps forming. Once the sauce has thickened to a thick consistency (enough to coat the back of a spoon), stir in the cheddar and Jarlsberg cheese and continue to heat for a few minuets until the sauce is smooth once more. Remove from heat.

To layer your lasagne:
1. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees Celsius. Prepare a 20 x 40 cm lasagne pan by spraying lightly with oil.

2. Take 1/2 a cup of meat sauce and spread it thinly over the base of the pan, repeat with the cheese sauce and cover with lasagna sheets.

3. Layer the lasagne sheet with bocconcini slices and cover with 1/4 of the cheese sauce, then 1/4 of the meat. Repeat this step until the dish is full, making sure the last layer is cheese sauce.

4. Sprinkle the top with parmesan (generously) and place it in the oven for 40-50 min. It should be golden on top and bubbling at the sides when ready.

5. Allow the lasagne to cool for 10min and slice a large piece for the love of your life.

*Traditionally a roux is made with butter and flour but olive oil does the same job with less cholesterol. Because this recipe is cheese laden I think it’s best to cut back where possible.
**If at any point the sauce becomes lumpy, don’t fret! Just use a stick blender to blend it back to smoothness.

I love efficiency; why do twenty things when one will suffice? And on that note, I think rhetorical questions are an efficient language devise.

As a self-proclaimed member of the Brotherhood of Efficiency*, here is my energy saving tip for the winter: Bake! Why run the heater when having the oven on will effectively heat a small house and also provide cake?

And (let’s go one step further) what if this cake is also a good source of fibre, saving you from glugging down a glass of metamucil? Well, I would say it’s efficiency to a German standard!

These little cupcakes were made specifically on a babysitting day when I wanted to keep the house warm and also whip up a quick healthy snack for my nephew. Sadly the frosting is in no way healthy (unless you count the calcium), but a cup cake ain’t a cupcake without frosting!

Ingredients:

2 large Bananas
2/4 cup Oats
1 cup Flour
1/2 Wheat Bran (Unprocessed)
1/3 Sugar
2 tsp Baking Powder
2 tsp each Nutmeg and Cinnamon
Pinch of Salt

1/3 cup Milk
2 large Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla extract
1/2 Vegetable oil

Frosting:
100gr. Butter
100gr Cream cheese
1/2 cup Icing sugar

Method:
1. Pre-heat your oven to 180 degrees celsius and line 2 muffin trays with patty pans**.  Mash the bananas with a fork until lumpy (a few chunks are a welcome surprise when biting into the cupcake) and add all of the wet ingredients and the oats. Let the mix sit of 10min to soften the oats.

2. Sieve together all the dry ingredients to combine. Pour in the wet mix and stir until completely combined.

3. Fill the patty pans half way with the cake mix, making sure not to drop the mix on the sides of the pan as this will make the cake rise unevenly. Bake in the oven for 10 – 15 min or until golden brown.

4.  To make the frosting: In a stand mixer, with the whisk attachment, beat the butter and sugar on low until combined and turn power to full. Beat for 5min (using a spatula to wipe the sides of the bowl a few times). Once this is practically white add the cream cheese and beat for a further few minuets until the frosting is thick and fluffy (the best way to test is by eating a spoonful).
Allow the cupcakes to cool on a wire rack and frost when cold. These can be kept in the fridge for a few days or the freezer for a month (not that they’ll last that long).

*The Brotherhood of Efficiency is a fictional brotherhood mentioned in the sci-fi classic ‘Things to Come’ by HG Wells. In this dystopic future all who are left of the scientists, mathematicians and engineers team together to save the world with efficiency. My husband(who is an engineer) is particularly fond of this concept.

**If you are making these cup cakes for children, use a mini muffin tin. Bake these cupcakes for a few minuets less to avoid drying out. The size is perfect for little hands plus 1 mini cupcake is the equivalent to 3 larger cup cakes which means the kids will be very exited to be spoilt with three cupcakes rather than one (this is how I trick my nephew to love me).

For the past two weeks I have had the honour of babysitting my wonderful 3 1/2 year old nephew each Friday. I must admit, I was a little nervous as I have never spent that much one-on-one time with a toddler (not since I was 3 and fighting with my own twin brother). So, to prepare for the onslaught of 8 hours of toddler-time each week  I did a little research on how best to avoid tantrums by questioning all my friends who are parents. I was given two tips: 1. Give them everything they want and let the parents deal with it later and 2. Only feed the child natural, home-made foods.  I have now tried both and can easily say tip one is the worst idea ever and tip two works surprisingly well.

This smoothie is  healthy, delicious, cheap and able to be made in a few minutes while having your ankles smashed with a Thomas the Tank engine toy.

This recipe makes two large smoothies or four kids sized cups.

Ingredients:
2 Bananas
1/2 cup Frozen berries (either raspberries or blueberries)
1 cup Milk (almond milk is fantastic if your kid has no allergies)
1 cup Natural or Greek yoghurt (Jalna is my favourite)
1 cup Cranberry or apple juice.
A little honey (optional)

1. Put all ingredients  into a blender and blend, or pour into a jug and blend with a stick mixer.

And in the time it took me to serve this up my nephew had found my computer, logged onto eBay and bought me an Aragorn costume for $300…
I also learnt to unplug all things connected to the Internet.

As once stated in a very confusing song in one of the most annoyingly lovable films ever, “You don’t have to be Irish to be Irish“. While I think it is important to be something to claim that you are it, it’s a charming sentiment none the less.

Having blue eyes, pale skin and black hair I am unmistakably Irish… well, I’m a 1/4 Irish. A  fact that my Yorkshire bred mother likes to hide.  As I’ve grown, this 1/4 of my genetics is slowly blooming. The latest development in my Irishness is my new-found love of whisky*.

As it’s winter down here I thought I’d try my hand at Irish coffee. The only problem is I’m not a fan of the traditional recipe which uses real cream and is very rich. I wanted something that would be enjoyable to drink without making my stomach feel like lead. Thus the 1/4 Irish Coffee was born. In the style of a cafe coffee, it’s essentially a latte with whisky and a hint of chocolate to add a touch of depth to the flavour.

To make the 1/4 Irish coffee you will need:

50ml Espresso coffee
15 ml Whisky (I use a cheap Johnny red label, no point wasting the good stuff in a coffee which will hide the flavours)
1 tsp Chocolate powder
1 tsp Raw Sugar
1/2 cup Milk for frothing **
A warmed latte glass

1. Mix together the coffee, whisky, chocolate powder and sugar until all dissolved and pour into a warmed glass.
2. Foam the milk using the steam wand on a coffee machine until it is hot to touch. Pour over the coffee mix.
and viola, a fancy little warm drink to keep you going through winter.

*Though I think my obsession with Don Draper may also have something to do with that.
**I’ve recently discovered A2 milk. It tastes fantastic and doesn’t upset my tummy, win win.

And as a statement of rebellion I still eat crepes, refusing to learn the French language. This dish is something I whip up whenever I feel like something fancy and light but don’t feel like spending forever in the kitchen. It’s based on a Gourmet Traveller recipe that I’ve slowly morphed over the years to suite my tastes (not that the original isn’t fantastic). The herbed crepes have a powerful fresh flavour which is accented by the lemon in the cheese, all cutting through the gorgeous heavy flavours of the smoked trout. I use a cold smoked trout that’s  thinly sliced so it has a melt in the mouth texture and the flavours are fresh to compliment the herbs.

This dish is fantastic as a light meal in summer, as an entrée or if you want a nice hors d’oeuvres for a 70′s themed* soiree, roll the crepes tightly and slice it into medallions, that should add a little class to any event.

Ingredients:
(makes 8 crepes)

300gr. Cold Smoked trout, thinly sliced

Cream:
125gr. Philadelphia Cream Cheese
2 tbsp Greek Yoghurt
1/3 cup Dill, finely chopped
2 tsp  Lemon rind, finely grated
2 tsp Lemon juice

Crepes:
2/3 cup Flour
3 large Eggs
1 cup Milk
1/3 cup each of Parsley and dill, finely chopped
Pinch of Salt

Method:
1. Whisk together all the ingredients for the cream until smooth, cover and set aside in the refrigerator.
2. Whisk together all ingredients for the crepes until smooth. Heat a little oil or butter in a crepe pan (if you don’t have a crepe pan any shallow edged pan will do) and pour a small amount of the mix into the pan (2 tbsp approx), making sure to spread the mix quickly to ensure the thinnest crepe possible. At this point I strongly recommend a small silicone spatula that can ease up the crepe gently without tearing it. Once set, flip it to seal the top side and repeat until all crepes are cooked. Set aside on some paper towel an allow to cool (the crepes can be made a day in advance and kept covered in the fridge).
3. Take a crepe and smear it with a good amount of the cream, covering half the surface. Add one slice of trout and fold the bottom half of the crepe over, then fold each side one-third into the middle to fold the crepe like a burrito.
4. To serve, add a wedge of lemon and garnish with a sprig of dill. Throw on your best furs, talk about the Dow Jones and the state of the royal family, crack open some good champagne and Bon Appetite!

*In tribute to how 70′s this recipe truly is, I have framed this posts photo in beige with curved corners. All it needs is a radish rose as garnish.

I’ve been playing with a few logo ideas for this blog that would define its style. I’m not a designer but I did do very well in Visual Communication in year 12 (which was a long time ago) so I like to think I’m savvy in design but more often than not what I think looks fantastic can be a little in the ‘What were you thinking?’ region.

Here is my proposal, on Tuesday night each week for the next 4 weeks I’m going to post a new logo and whichever is most loved by you shall become the official logo of Deira’s Delights.  All I ask is that you comment and share your thoughts. If you like a concept but not the colours or the font, tell me. If you are a designer and notice that everything is slightly off centre tell me (this is an advance apology to designers, I will have things aligned a little out of kilter without noticing. Mostly due to my head falling onto an angle when I concentrate which makes wonky things look straight).

To get the ball rolling here is contestant number one (I was going for a cute old deli vibe):

Two months ago I received a very excited call from one of my dearest friends, Sarah Collins (performer and photographer extrodenaier), asking whether I would like to help her organise a vintage styled tea dance. I didn’t get a chance to breath before I shouted ‘Yes!’ down the phone. Having survived momentary deafness, Sarah called our DJ/ Bing Crosby Re-incarnate friend, Brendan Jelly and our own little Rat Pack was formed to create one heck of a dance.

I love organising events; the highlights of my life are parties, my wedding and productions I’ve organised. There is something so exciting  and humbling about piecing together bits and bobs to create a few hours of magic for the guests. It’s like giving a gift that can transport you into another world where the only thing that exists is fun!  This dance was no exception. We took everything we love and found a place for it at the dance; I snuck in my George Formby records, Sarah got to show off her new hometown and Brendon looked truly alive spinning the classics all night (another young chap made this video of the tea dance, click and have a look).

I was in charge of tea time for the tea dance. It was a big responsibility as it was half the name of the event. Tea was announced just after we played ‘God Save the Queen’ in her majesty’s honour, nothing says a fun happening evening like our Queen!

I had prepared two litres of jam (burnt caramel pear with lavender and raspberry, recipes to come soon) and I awoke early that morning, cleared my kitchen and made 100 scones. I can say without a doubt I am now a scone expert.

Here are some things I learnt about scones that  may help you the next time you want a Devonshire tea (based on Margaret’s scone recipe):

-I found that soda water created a nicer flavour than lemonade as this avoided any fake chemical flavours and also I could now control the sweetness of the dough.

-The scones that rose the best where the ones with a slightly thicker consistency in the dough. I didn’t need to flour my hands as it was just dry enough not too stick and had no bounce when pressed flat.

-The scones baked best when on the top shelf of the oven and when the tray was turned half way through cooking.

-The scones are perfectly cooked when they have just browned. Don’t wait for them to become golden as this means they are probably over done. (The tops should have a hollow sound when tapped but the sides should give just a little when squeezed.

-To top the scones it is best if the cream is whipped as thick as possible so it’s on the verge of becoming butter. This way all the lovely butter fat coats the tongue and creates a perfectly silky mix to contrast the tang of the jam.

Hopefully I’ll post some more photos of the night when I can find friends who took photos (I was a little too busy to capture the night). Until then, enjoy the poster image I made.

Love, Deira